Mediawatch: Smiling? Don’t Utd know they’re eighth?
Date published: Wednesday 2nd November 2016 12:56
The great and the good
Stan Collymore got a few pelters on Twitter after Manchester City’s victory over Barcelona after his Daily Mirror column two weeks ago claimed that ‘Pep Guardiola has not revolutionised English football at Manchester City’ in the few months he had been in charge. Which came as a shock to all of us.
Collymore hit back on Wednesday night:
"Pep is a great manager, just not a genius". Not sure what's incorrect about that. https://t.co/B3SHnl3V1G
— Stan Collymore (@StanCollymore) November 1, 2016
There’s not a lot that’s incorrect about that, especially if you define ‘genius’ as ‘being called the best manager that Roy Keane ever played for’ – which is something unfortunately beyond Guardiola even if he wins back-to-back-to-back Champions Leagues. He may also find it difficult to discover John Robertson or take a club from the provinces and lead them to the First Division title. And not just because there is no such thing as the First Division title.
No, the problem we have with Collymore’s tweet is that he wrote nothing of the sort in his Mirror column. His actual words?
‘He’s clearly good – but he’s not a genius like the late Brian Clough was.’
However hard you try to re-write the very poorly written, that really was a whole load of codswallop, Stanley Victor.
The big question
From Neil Ashton in The Sun two weeks ago:
‘Guardiola, the great Guardiola who seduced us all when he coached Barcelona and Bayern, has it all to do from here. To prove that he was the man who really changed the face of football when he replaced Frank Rijkaard at the Nou Camp in 2008.
‘To convince an increasingly sceptical public that he can turn Manchester City into one of the game’s superpowers. To prove that his words, his way, his methods, are superior to anything we have witnessed in the history of the sport. To even get through this Champions League group. Good luck with all that.
‘Manchester City, one billion pounds into Project Pep, are four without a win under the great man. Guardiola’s homecoming hurt like hell.
‘The powers are fading and fading fast – has he been found out?’
That would be a ‘no’ then.
Happy talk
Headline in the Daily Mail: ‘What a win, but Pep may not be happy.’
Here are a few quotes from Pep Guardiola himself:
“For once in our lives we compete against the best team…I am happy for City. It’s normal that these things happen. I am just very happy because we have three points. I learned about my players and that they can play on the counter.”
He sort of sounds happy.
Jive bunny and the mastermixes
Where to start with Martin Samuel’s column in the Daily Mail?
Well, we could start here…
Mata, Herrera, DDG & even Schweinsteiger love a selfie.. but the Mail are only arsed about Bailly, Pogba & Lingard 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 https://t.co/Yg9ArC2eVC
— F⋆⋆o (@Fino76) November 2, 2016
…but of course we would never suggest that the choice of players targeted by Samuel (who once described John Terry’s use of the words “f***ing black c***” as ‘ultimately meaningless’) was anything other than a coincidence.
Instead, we will start at the very beginning, with these words:
‘The look on Jose Mourinho’s face says it all. He is turning around, scowling in irritation, his hand raised in a universally understood gesture. Stop.
‘And so it has come to this. The Manchester United manager papped by one of his own players. What is the obsession this United team has with selfies and social media? Can’t they see the league table? Don’t they know they are eighth?’
Let’s lose the words ‘this United team’ and replace them with ‘young people’, for Samuel is essentially a 52-year-old man who does not understand what is down with the young folk. They take selfies; they put them on Instagram; or SnapChat; or whatever has been invented in the last 17 minutes since we started writing this edition of Mediawatch. They don’t stop taking pictures because somebody has died, never mind because they are eighth in a sporting league table.
Samuel continues:
‘United, and Mourinho, are fighting for their lives right now. Forget about isolation in The Lowry, another season outside the Champions League would be the real disaster, and it is one that is becoming altogether more feasible with a quarter of the campaign gone.
‘Finding no way through against Burnley, Mourinho’s frustration was compounded by being sent off for confronting referee Mark Clattenburg at half-time. How did Bailly see that as a photo opportunity? How could he be so unaware that he stuck a camera in his manager’s face the week he complained of being under siege from paparazzi every time he left his Manchester hotel base?’
No censure for Jose Mourinho, of course, who ridiculously got sent to the stands for ‘going absolutely ballistic’ at a match official, but censure for a footballer who picked up his phone to take a picture? And ‘fighting for their lives’? Really? Look at the front page of your newspaper at that poppy and ponder those words again.
He then moves on to Pogba, who he compares with Tom Cleverley, which might just be the most damning words we have read about the world’s most expensive footballer yet:
‘He should still come good. In his current form, however, it might be an idea to lower the profile until he truly has something to advertise. Yet there was Pogba, on Instagram on Monday, cavorting in a Hallowe’en scary rabbit costume for his 10million followers.
‘What would Ferguson have made of that? He was smart enough to know that young footballers needed to let off steam and the football world he grew up in had changed, but certain principles remained. He was never one for players whose brand outweighed their performances on the pitch.’
As Ferguson famously ended the Manchester United drinking culture, once turned up fuming at Lee Sharpe’s house to break up a party and reportedly clipped Ryan Giggs around the ear for breaking a curfew in his wilder days, we imagine that he would be happy to deal with the rather modern challenge of a footballer dressing up as a rabbit in the comfort of his own home.
‘The ‘Pogbunny’, as the Instagram creature was known, was intended as harmless fun and no doubt attracted considerable attention, as desired. But wasn’t Pogba’s football supposed to do that?’
The message is clear: Don’t you bloody dare have fun if you are not playing phenomenal football. Halloween is for winners.
And lastly there is Jesse Lingard, guilty of being a 23-year-old man who acted like a 23-year-old man last season.
‘Wayne Rooney said that when the United team bus was attacked outside West Ham’s ground last season his first act, as captain, was to tell the players not to post any material from inside the coach. Be dignified, this is Manchester United and we’re here to win a football match, was his message.
‘Too late. Jesse Lingard’s faux-terrified footage was already up, running and everywhere. United’s players looked as if they thought it was all a giggle; they lost and did not qualify for the Champions League. #Fail.’
Oh Jesse. You may have only played seven minutes that night at Upton Park, but you cost Manchester United Champions League football with your silliness. Never mind that six-match winless run over Christmas, it’s all down to you, boy.
Taxing times
In unrelated news, elsewhere on MailOnline, their football rich list includes Paul Pogba at No. 5. Only they can explain why Pogba – who reportedly earns £15m a year BEFORE tax – is above sixth-placed Neymar, who reportedly earns £15m a year AFTER tax.
Either somebody really doesn’t understand maths or they really needed Pogba higher up that list for reasons of dclickery.
UPDATE: We now know how Pogba spends all his money; he ‘paraded his flashy headphones and rucksack’ on Wednesday.
Image conscious
The picture at the top of this page was taken by the Manchester United photographer and appeared on MailOnline with the caption ‘United have not been firing on all cylinders recently but they still managed to crack a smile’. Smiling? Don’t they know they ‘are fighting for their lives right now’?
Glass half-empty
Mesut Ozil scored a sumptuous goal and Arsenal came back from 2-0 down to win 3-2 but this is the opening line from miserable Mark Irwin in his Sun match report:
‘SLOPPY Arsenal dodged a Bulgarian bullet as they answered questions about their character, but none about their defence.’
As they had conceded a grand total of zero goals from open play in their previous four games, the only real question about their defence was ‘will they be quite as good without both their first-choice full-backs?’.
They definitely answered that question.
Recommended reading of the day
Julien Laurens on the Nice fairytale
Ken Early on Manchester United and Jose looking out of date
Marcus Christenson on Javier Hernandez and the underrated art of the clinical goalscorer
Thanks to today’s Mediawatch spotter Jonathan Burrows. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com
EmoticonEmoticon