Mediawatch: What’s ‘Mourinho way’ again, ex-Fat Man?
Date published: Monday 17th October 2016 12:11
Guess who?
‘Liverpool vs Man Utd combined XI by Alan Smith: Guess who wins?’ asks the Daily Telegraph.
This is just a guess obviously, but is it the team in fourth rather than the one in seventh?
God we love it when we’re right…
Looking for Eric
At least Alan Smith remembered the existence of Eric Bailly. Which is more than can be said for Alan Brazil and Ray Parlour on Talksport, putting together a combined Liverpool-United XI on Monday morning with Dejan Lovren and Joel Matip at centre-half and Daley Blind and Chris Smalling on the bench.
Forgetting somebody, fellas?
Alas Smith and Alli
Is Alan Smith the new Garth Crooks?
His centre-forward in his Telegraph team of the weekend? Dele Alli, of course.
Who cares if he’s not a striker? And f*** you, Charlie Austin, with your two measly goals.
Styling it out
Not that former Fat Man Neil Custis still has a (braised) beef with Louis van Gaal but his piece on the Jose Mourinho era in The Sun is possibly the most bizarre we have yet read.
‘JOSE MOURINHO is desperately trying to rid Manchester United of the memories from the Louis van Gaal era.
‘That is why he will never serve up a borefest like the Dutchman with his much vaunted ‘philosophy’.
‘Mourinho’s side travel to Anfield tonight where Van Gaal somehow squeezed out a 1-0 win last January.
‘But as so often with LVG it was the way it was done and that is certainly not the Mourinho way.’
We have now read those sentences several times and we can only conclude that Custis is genuinely suggesting that Mourinho is some kind of swashbuckling manager who would never win a game by turning it into a ‘borefest’, while the rest of the world views Mourinho as exactly the kind of manager who would win a game by turning it into a ‘borefest’.
If only there was an example of a quite recent game in which a Mourinho side went to Anfield, played a five-man midfield, had just 27% possession, recorded a 67% pass completion rate, allowed Liverpool 26 shots and somehow managed to win 2-0. Custis remembers…
‘While in-form Liverpool will be favourites tonight Mourinho is up for another tactical masterclass just like he delivered two years ago.
‘Chelsea sat deep then, stifled them and caught them on the break.’
Does a ‘tactical masterclass’ always beat a ‘philosophy’? Or just when the man with the ‘philosophy’ called you Fat Man?
Let the memory live again…
The Sun have a back-page Jose Mourinho exclusive on Red Monday. Well done The Sun and well done Phil Cadden.
Monday's Sun back page:
Jose in dock#tomorrowspaperstoday #bbcpapers pic.twitter.com/nzgJn1lxx9— Nick Sutton (@suttonnick) October 16, 2016
Except, well, the ‘EXCLUSIVE’ is that ‘SunSport can reveal Mourinho could have had a one-match suspended stadium ban activated had he made them just 24 hours earlier’.
First, nice implication that Mourinho would have been banned from Anfield. Because of course the FA disciplinary process works exactly that quickly.
And second, are you really claiming to be the first to spot that – 12 months ago – Mourinho was given a suspended stadium ban? Or just the first to remember it this week as it was widely reported at the time? Is exclusively remembering a thing?
Go figure
Poor Phil Cadden. He exclusively remembers something something that happened to Jose Mourinho a year ago and yet by 12pm, the biggest story in football – according to The Sun website – is this:
‘Liverpool vs Manchester United: Diehard United fan working at Anfield hides Red Devil memorabilia in new main stand roof.’
Bantz.
Denial of the day
Hey @MirrorFootball who gave you these answers? I have never done this interview…and especially not to you ! 😂 pic.twitter.com/gOia0qvT7o
— Anthony Martial (@AnthonyMartial) October 16, 2016
So presumably the Mirror have – suitably embarrassed – removed all trace of the ‘interview’?
Erm. Nope.
Warning of the day
Headline in The Sun: ‘Stop Arsene around!’
Sub-headline in The Sun: ‘WENGER WARNS HIS STARS.’
Opening paragraph: ‘THEY SAY no one likes a smart arse and even Arsene Wenger now admits his players are sometimes too clever for their own good.’
Actual quotes from Arsene Wenger: “You can see that we are a side that likes to play football. But we are all conscious that we still have some things to improve in our game to step up to the next level. We need to keep our rigorous attitude. We must always do what the game demands and here maybe we were a bit too easy at 2-0, thinking ‘OK, we’ll win again now’.”
Or, alternatively, ‘stop Arsene around’. You have been warned.
We’re Yorkshire
Wonderful stuff from Phil Thomas in The Sun, who is claiming an ‘exclusive’ on some adding-up from a ‘digital agency’ that tells us that Yorkshire is second only to Greater London in a list of counties represented by Premier League players this season.
‘YORKSHIRE riding high in the Premier League?’ writes Thomas. ‘No, do not adjust your eyes. This is not a literal. This is no spelling mistake.
‘This is a stone cold fact. One which many football fans never thought they would hear again.’
Thomas somehow ekes out a whole page on these ‘stone cold facts’. Apparently, ‘the results might open a few eyes from Southampton to Stockport’.
It is indeed astonishing that Yorkshire would be producing more Premier League footballers than Greater Manchester or Merseyside, what with having a population of 5.3m as opposed to 2.8m (Greater Manchester) or 1.38m (Merseyside).
So the ‘exclusive’ brought to us by The Sun is that regions with higher populations produce more footballers.
Thanks. For. That.
Alan Tyers on Sky Sports documentary Out of Contract.
Adam Bate on Chelsea’s wing-backs.
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